can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
