i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
