I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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