In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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