In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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