I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
