Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize