i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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