I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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