He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
