I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
its liver damage thursday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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