I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
