I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
