You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
