i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
