So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
