Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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