this just has baby written all over it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
