are you so shy because you have an std?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
