butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
