just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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