So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
