I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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