"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
