Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
