I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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