I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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