i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
