I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
