I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
