apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
