tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
