Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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