considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
