you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
