Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
