We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
