Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize