Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
