I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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