we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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