I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
