So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
