She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
