I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize