i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
