WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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