so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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