My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
