dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
