Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
