don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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