You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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