The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
