She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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