I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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