sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize