I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
