Someone shit on the floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize