suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
