I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i want to swaddle you in tequila
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
