Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
